The City of Love

“New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid.” ("Sex and the City," 2009) These are the words of Carrie from Sex and The City; the TV series that deals with four single women in New York City, and their sex lives. McDonald says the major thematic concern of the radical romantic comedy derive from “issues of self-reflexivity, a heightened consciousness of self (McDonald, 67). This is seen highly in Sex and the City, Carrie analyzes her love life, as well as, her friends and uses it as research for her newspaper column. Carrie uses her personal experiences with men and relationships, as well as her three friends. The four women all show the different perspectives women have on sex; they each represent a different type of women (conservative, free-spirited, promiscuous, independent). The city also plays its role as a character in the show; representing a fast paced life, and anonymity. The city also referred to a thing as opposed to a place in some episodes. As Rob Shields says, “while we may happily speak of the ‘reality’ of the city as a thing or form, they are the result of a cultural act of classification. We classify an environment as a city, and then ‘reify’ that city as a thing” (Barker, 403) Sex and the City in a sense can be connected to Lewis Sinclair’s novel Main Street. Carrie, a fashion conscious women, and writer who presents various questions throughout the shows like “can women date like men (no feelings)?” While writing her column, she leaves her viewers questioning their own love, and sex lives.

The 1920 Lewis Sinclair novel Main Street is based on a fictional town Gopher Prairie, which was meant to represent all small towns. Sinclair portrayed the residents of Gopher Prairie as narrow-minded, conservative, old-fashioned, materialistic people with no culture. Simmel says, “the city was the birthplace of the aesthetic of modernism and the escape from the controls of tradition” (Barker, 380). In Gopher Prairie everyone knew each other, and everyone else’s business. In the city, as portrayed in the show, if one wanted to disappear they could because the city is so fast paced, things always going on that you do not fun into the same people every day. In Main Street, Carol went following her fantasy of love and changing the small town, her husband and the townspeople were opposed to change. Sinclair showed the realities of marriage in his novel; Carol and Kennicott are in love but they have nothing in common. Carol says "There are two races of people, only two, and they live side by side. His calls mine “neurotic”; mine calls his “stupid”. We'll never understand each other, never; and it's madness for us to debate -- to lie together in a hot bed in a creepy room -- enemies, yoked." (Sinclair, 284) Sinclair’s novel seems to shed light on Sex in the City and how it portrays the modernized city and the opinions of both women and men on relationships, sex, marriage and love. In the show we see the reality in how differently women and men see things; many of the men just wanted sex with no commitment, where as the women wanted an actual connection with someone not just sex.


Carrie is in search for Mr. Right and the typical happy ever after ending. As we see throughout the episodes, as we did in Sinclair’s novel, sometimes marriage, and relationships do not have a happily ever after ending. In the show Charlotte gets a divorce, Carrie cheats on her fiancé Adian, Samantha does not want to commit to anyone, and Miranda ends up getting pregnant and not marring Steve (at least not right away). Sex and the City showed that relationships do not always go as we planned. This is one of the things that make Sex in the City radical it does not follow the usual pattern of the couples ending up together (McDonald, 68). These four women are portrayed as independent, although they are all in search of men it is not because they need them, it is because they desire the men.


The setting of New York right away gives away that love will happen; the visual features of New York just set the romantic mood (McDonald, 89). According to Barker, “representing the city involves the techniques of writing – metaphors, metonym, and other rhetorical devices – rather than a simple transparency from the ‘real’ city to the ‘represented’ city” (Barker, 402). In the show Carrie compares the city to various things; and even suggests that women in New York are in search for the two L’s “labels and love.” Sinclair shows the old fashioned views of residents from small towns and how women could not walk down the street with a man, or wear clothing that was to revealing because people were quick to start rumors. He almost suggests that it is hard to find love in small towns because there is nothing romantic about them and people tend to just settle for anything. As Marx said “the city was the birthplace of modernism and the escape from the controls of tradition.” (Barker, 380) In Sex and the City the four women are single, who go out together regularly, drink, and have active sex lives. Charlotte could be considered old fashioned; she was a bit more conservative when it came to discussing certain things about her sex life. She does however bring a new meaning to being old fashioned by having an active sex life. Charlotte even double booked two dates for one night, so not only did she break her normal pattern but she also switched genders; she was dating like a man. She ends up getting caught, and loses two guys in one night; does that mean that women can’t date like men or that men just know the rules to the game better than women?

The relationships that Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte go through show the realities of dating and breakups. “After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.” ("Sex and the City," 2009) Throughout the episodes the women all encounter different men, finding something wrong with each one. Men are portrayed as objects, Samantha says “You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex; no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?” ("Sex and the City," 2009) Many of these men were just considered “fuck buddies” (someone you call when you just want sex). In one episode Carrie tries to form a relationship with her “fuck bu0ddy” which did not work out because she realized they had nothing to talk about; they could just have good sex. This suggested that even today sex can just be sex and it is hard to develop a relationship out of something that was just physical attraction from the start. Our perspective of sexuality has changed over the years due to the fact that sexuality is multi-faced. Butler says “sexuality is never fully ‘expressed’ in a performance or practice; there will be passive and butchy femmes, femmy and aggressive butches, and both of those, and more, will turn out to describe more or less anatomically stable ‘males’ and ‘females” (Butler, 725). Butler is suggesting there are lines between “gender, sex, gender representation, sexual practice, fantasy, and sexuality which is why it can be said that sexuality can never fully be expressed. In the show Miranda goes speed dating and has to hide the fact she is a lawyer to attract men; does that mean sexuality is also economically based? If you are a women with a good job does that make you less of a woman? Sexuality is made up of linking concepts (Foucault, 689). Many people’s sexuality is constructed according to society, and what is deemed appropriate. Everyone views it differently which might explain why women and men have so many problems when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships or marriages.




In society there are certain rules regarding the type of people who we are attracted to (Parker, 585). We learn through media, magazines, and our culture what to like and what not to like. Charlotte was in search of a man who came from a good family, wealthy, and good looking. In the show we see that each woman has certain things they like and dislike about men; all women have a checklist when it comes to men. If they meet their standards then they have a chance but if not they should not even waste their time. These checklists are influenced by society; Carrie’s newspaper is an example of this. Women mainly read her column and I am sure they learned from her mistakes and took the advice on what relationships, and men to avoid.

Sinclair’s novel showed how in Gopher Prairie the husbands were in charge of the money; Carol had to ask her husband for money. Sex and the City showed that men still do not like it when the women they are with are more successful than them; Miranda being a lawyer seemed to be a turn off for most men. Men are still intimidated at the fact that a women may be above them in the economic ladder. Women are thought to be the nurturing, house wife; the man is supposed to be the provider for the household. Men have been acculturated to seek esteem through public performance and the recognition of achievement (Barker, 302). So you must ask yourself does love at first sight truly exist when people are so cynical. Or is it just a feeling you get in the beginning and once you actually get to know the person you fall out of whatever it was that pulled you in toward each other.


In Sex and the City we see the strong friendship between the four women. To them first came friends and second men. And when the women do have men in their lives they tend to revolve their attention around them. They are even represented as “helpless” women in some episodes (Barker, 283). Aidan would fix anything Carrie needed him to fix. Charlotte also had a man friend who she would call when she needed something fixed in her apartment. The show emphasized the importance of friendship, love and companionship to all women.

Sex and the City reasserts the old “boy meets, loses, regains girl” structure when it comes to Carrie and Big’s on and off relationship. Sex and the City sets rules for dating and raise the question if a modern woman needs Mr. Right, and what is the harm in believing in him? Big filled Carrie’s Mr. Right fantasy, so she kept going back to him. Who can blame her; we all want to find that person we think is right for us. And when we find someone who seems right but like in Carrie’s case with Big does not want to commit or give the relationship a title; it just makes us want them even more. But why should we have to try to change or tame each other? Why don’t we find someone who will run with us side by side to begin with? Everyone likes the chase, and challenge of trying to change someone. To get them to utter the phrases “I love you,” and “will you marry me.” Even though there are a lot of attractive people, especially in big cities, that you could just have sex with, no strings attached their comes a point where at the end of the day you just want to be with the one person who makes you smile. We all want a fairytale ending but like Samantha said, marriage does not always guarantee a happily ever after ending; it just guarantees and ending (“Sex and the City,” 2009).

Work Cited
Barker, Chris. Cultural Studies: Theory and Practice. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2008.
Butler, Judith. “Imitation and Gender Insubordination.”
Foucault, Michel. The history of sexuality. Pantheon Books, 1985.
Lewis, Sinclair. Main Street. New York: Amereon House, 1920.
McDonald, Tamar J. Romantic Comedy. London: Wallflower, 2007.
Parker, Seymour. Cultural Rules, Rituals, and Behavior Regulation. 3rd ed. Vol. 86. Blackwell, 1984.
"Sex and the City." Tbs. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc., 2009. Web. 8 Oct. 2009.